Well some things change..and yet..
4 years after starting renovating a house, 2 years after being forced from a job I loved, but most importantly 6 months, and a smattering of days after I got married, I find myself unable to sleep.
And it’s not like I’ve tried or don’t know how. Sadly I think the off script mediation from the doctors has had the opposite effect. Rather than sleep, I just can’t stop the mind whenever I stop focusing on breathing.
Is it universal irony that earlier this evening I was talking to a Mike about better sleep strategies?
I know too many Mikes according to the wife & I freely admit that sometimes I keep which one it is unclear to see if she can work it out.
So as a wise man once said many years ago to me in my IT days: “I have taken a dump, and everything seems to be ok now” Sadly he didn’t see the unintended double meaning. .
So here I am dumping my head out, the final attempt to get actual sleep and not just deep mediation on my breath and body for hours on end.
And I’ll begin the dump at the end, and work backwards.
I’ve just discovered while resetting the login credentials for here that while the Website for CACK Wargames club is defunct – it seems they are still active on Facebook. I haven’t been active on there since 2017, I abandoned Twitter in 2018
I’ve made progress on my models over the last two months, almost 90 models painted to a completed level I am happy with. I even spent the evening sticking my balls in their bottoms. PVA glue and cheap 3mm metal ball bearings provide a nice load.
I’ve sorted 2 boxes of other models. Repaired one for painting and found one to paint. I seem to be enjoying painting, which is odd. But my fine motor skills are definitely better than 3 years ago. I wonder if all that late night gluing has done its sneaky trick again..
Which then brings me back to making lists and notes, even tonight I’ve filled a post it note in 5 minutes, thankfully this year I may have a tool to prevent note paralysis. It’s called ‘Trello’ and Mrs Ming has even started using it for work.
It has definitely helped me control both my ability to procrastinate, and my habit of starting new projects when others are incomplete.
Let me just leave a Pros & Cons Analysis of my recent life and wellbeing status in this pre-dawn, post meditation, purely train of thought flow
* Removing fried foods, pastry, hard fat, cheese, milk, & sugar as anything but mouthfuls from my diet is a hard long term set of habits to be having success in changing. Also wow; Vitamin B supplements…why have I never taken you before?
* My daily goals of 2+ litres of water, yoga, cleaning twice , & hunting out a good conversation gets easier the more I repeat it. I’ve also started on a new daily foreign language challenge.
* De-cluttering the home has not de-cluttered my mind. I think I’ll always spin mentally like an orchestra made of one man bands all in a different key, but I’ve re-found my ability to make my thoughts sing for me, and not I to be forced to dance to my thoughts
I’m so lucky to have a strong, caring, beautiful, passionate, and driven wi-fey who loves and supports me. I’m so happy I’ve sorted my diet. I’m lucky I’ve found a decent job that fits around her need to get her business to be successful. Also 4am erections.
* I have only 8 working days left this month, and lots of plans in the making.
* I’m having fun with my hobbies of gaming, wargaming, yoga, reading, & music
* I’ve spoken more and spent more time with family and good friends than I have since, well, ever!
* My post gall bladder operation pain is not going anywhere. I am going to need to find a solution I haven’t tried yet in the last 2 years. I am open to suggestions, however BUPA is my next expensive step.
* Improving my sleep routine so I more often get 4 hrs in a night is better now that any time post op. And yet despite taking enough meds to knock out a blue whale here I am at 6:30 am..
* I still don’t have all the answers to life, nor the time and energy to ask the right questions of my life. I can count 4 serious breakdowns in my life. I may never be free of them.
NB To Future Ming
1) Your happiness helpers work for you, use them
2) You only have so many fucks to give in life use them wisely
3) If people don’t like what you say, do, act like, look like or believe, and that’s an issue they have to try and force you to change, tell them to fuck off.
4) Focus on finding connections and similarities. Despite the attitude of the majority these days, most people have more in common than they have differences