Meaning, Mathematics & Mantras

Sometimes a big lesson needs a long test.

I’ve had the first picture as my phone background for nearly two years, I found it expressed in maths last summer.

It’s something I now realise my parents have taught me by example since I was a kid – I just didn’t see it.

Thanks Alan & Kathleen. It’s been re-emphasized by my in-laws John & Georgina over the time I’ve grown to know them.

Instead of going hell for leather into a new idea or project and burning out – it’s a little reminder to myself to just keep trying.

It all adds up.

It was also the last money I had left for payday – I put the deposit down months ago. Left me £15 for food for work. All accounts empty until payday. Easy. 3 days and nothing to buy.

*touches wood*

QED = “quod erat demonstrandum“, literally meaning “what was to be shown” or “quite easily demonstrated”

In my words:

If every day you put in the same effort you always have,

after a year you’ll still be where you started.

But if every day you put in an extra 1% effort,

after a year you’ll be almost 40 times ahead of where you started.

The logic is undeniable.

Today I attempted the last removal experience in my new old home – to sort and re-box all the Lego I’d bought for ‘TheWifeWhoHasManyFaces’.

She’ll be keeping her precious pirate ships – the rest I originally planned to box and sell on. In the end I actually gave them to an Autistic Kids Care Home.

Once I laid it all out to begin I could not stop crying. So I messaged family and friends. Planned to go for a walk and then eat.

All those Lego Movie toys represented a huge investment and a statement of feeling and intent on my part. – and I’d managed to locate every single Lego Figure & Set from that movie over the last 6 years.

On the 14th of February 2014 after watching the Lego Movie with ‘TheWifeOfManyNames’ my universe changed, my outlook changed.

She’d watched it earlier with a friend as I couldn’t get out of school, and had booked the tickets before my placement had started. She said she loved it even more the second time.

This was the day I focused myself on being a better human, a better partner, and allowed myself to begin to dream about starting a family, with someone who I chose to shower in love every day. I hoped one day I would marry this woman I’d found.

That to me, is the loving and nurturing environment, and is the best place to bring up the next generation of people – who will continue this relay race of human existence.

As far as I am concerned that is all most of us can ever hope to leave behind.

If we’re lucky we may invent, or create or discover something that spreads beyond biological and social connections . No-one knows who lit the first fire.

But this human relay race, against time, disease, and accidents, is all the brighter for it.

Since last June I’ve had to face a lot of little deaths of the self, my dreams, and my memories. But as I like to remind myself, a tree can have deep roots. It can storm all seasons. It will regrow in spring, and have blossomed before summer is out.

Even in the harshest conditions some small growth will occur. And barring events outside of the trees control, it will persist.


““Life is nothing but a continuing dance of birth and death, a dance of change.”

(aka Existence through many changes, “births and deaths”)


I have made some slow and steady changes since before ‘TheWifeWhoCreatesHerOwnDestruction’ started with her small revelations – and way before I turned from an emotional victim into a dispassionate scientist – looking at the nature of identity, human relationships, lies and truths.

However many of these changes are not new thoughts to me.

This intermittent blog, my two year dormant FaceSucks & Twatter accounts revealed to me that I have been seeking, sorting, and occasionally succeeding at finding small moments of enlightenment for as long as I can find.

The are many moments of happiness and enlightenment I’ve forgotten, but that must have happened for me to sit here and type these words.

Today while walking away my anguish at my loss, thoughts arose. Thoughts linked back to my 10 Happiness Helpers but formed into something far more personal.

  • “Say YES” – when the costs are negligible nor life endangering.
  • “Just ASK” – the universe will provide if you ask
  • “Reuse. Re-purpose. Recycle” – new things are wasteful, given what already exists
  • “Gratitude” – perspective – for that overpowers loss or want
  • “Create” – put in more than you take out from the human relay race & the planet
  • “One Percent Every Day” – Maths doesn’t care about my feelings, but I care about results

On that note before I continue to box up this Lego I’m going to make something for the home using some cheap tat, and a bit of imagination. Being a professional weirdo is all about combining things together and putting you’re stamp on it.

Those that get it will be attracted, those that don’t will be clueless, and those that get offended or upset by it – well those cunts can fuck right off.

Staring Ingredients:

2020-03-03 16.05.39

  • One Horribly Tacky Outdoor Solar Light Buddha
  • One Candle Holder
  • One Brass Incense Holder
  • One Tin Matt Gray Varnish
  • One Tin Army Painter Dip
  • One Bottle Matt Varnish

The Aloe Vera plant looks lonely on the kitchen window ledge after a month of de-cluttering and re-thinking my home.

I use this space to do my yoga each morning. So a little Buddha to remind me of the cycle of life and self reflection one side, and a clean and tidy space to burn my “Namaste” incense to aid meditation and lessen distractions on the other.

This is a nice bit of self-love before I cross back into a necessary self-hurt session.

And don’t panic, all these thoughts didn’t come out like this – I’ve been sorting early morning ideas and notes.. the buddha and the incense holder – that was most definitely embracing the moment. Following through is the easy bit!

Thanks for reading, I bow to you.

Namaste.