Misinformation, Moments & Mentality

I question information given to me that I did not seek out.
I see so many people trying to fight for a better world.
I hear about so many people trying to protect all our lives.
1 read about people fighting systems bigger than individuals.

I feel there is so much good intent in all these actions.
I take small steps affect my corner of this wide wide world.
I reflect on how I act to improve how I interact with others.
I doubt the certainty of a good answer over a good question.

I fight to defend people who do not believe or act as I do.
I believe in debating and disagreement without loss of respect.
I dream that I can change myself.
I embrace my limits of my form and experiences.

I wonder at infinite possibilities of actions in every moment.
I define myself as the freedom to react to moments in my Life.
I try to choose my Life’s moments.
I know Life’s moments happen regardless.

Appearances, Apparitions, & Aspirations

So here I am in month three of 2016.

This also marks the third month of generally ignoring Facebook feeds. Not having it on my phone means I spend time doing other things. Wasn’t as hard as I thought to stop. I’ve now spending more time back exploring forums and websites that specifically interest me and not what interests others.

Just having come back from another successful Wigan Beer Festival, I went on to check for photos for the festival page, but there’s one poster I’m still waiting for before I complete the album. It started a train of thoughts.

I have to be honest, I have been using Twitter – but at least there (for now) I can filter by type of account. And I’ve so far avoided any annoying decisions of what I see. I’m not anti-social media. I just don’t think a lot of it is very social, or rewarding.

It’s just began to feel like a lot of like-minded people interacting only with the people they already agree with. So much so that to step outside any particular groups accepted norms leads to bombastic rebuttals – a new version of the forum problems of flame wars & trolling I remember from years ago.

I really don’t even believe half of the consequences of social media feed contents is intentional from the point of view of the end users. I won’t even touch the “if you don’t re-post this” or “sign this to change …” What I actually do when I actually interact with people one on one makes more difference to me. It’s also far more rewarding.

But most of the social media spam – even on Twitter – seems to be bandwagon jumping, maybe springing from that individual need to find a collective, or even be the leader of a collective.

I’ve also come to realise that the majority of the social media posts I see are either clickbait, approval seeking, or shame posting. Like any new technology there is an initial phase, a boom, a settle, and then eventually a change to something else.

Mostly however, for me, I think it boils down to differing end user expectations.

As many friends know I do a lot of beer research, and like our fingerprints, all out taste buds are different. But I have been using an app called Untappd to help me try and track it all. Even then I try really hard not to use it when out with other people – as that just distracts from to real social activity. Luckily my other half is a smoker, so I often get some solo time to top up.

It now has a scoring system with many fractions between 0 and 5. But I’ve done retained my own stepping system.

0 Can’t score. (Usually some style or mix I don’t get – i.e. peanuts!)

0.5 Off!? Infected/Vinegar?? Service or dispense issues?

1 Malt Water, What’s the point of this sugar water?

1.5 Flat, Over Oxidised, Warm. Service or dispense issues?

2 Meh. Just doesn’t satisfy me in any way, lacking.

2.5 Drinks as sold. It does everything I’d expect. Well made & good condition.

3 Nice. Try it? Definitely finishing this one, may have another.

3.5 Try it! Talking about this to other people.

4 Having another. Encouraging people to try it.

4.5 Try mine. Giving tastes from my glass or buying you one.

5 Hands off! I want it ALLLLL!!!!

I’m lucky (or sad) enough to have seen numerous beer judging and scoring systems. I’m not scoring on beer style. I’m scoring on my reaction at the time, on the day, to that beer in that glass. As I’m doing this I often see other people giving wildly different scores to me. I also don’t even log online anything below a 2. And I’m OK with that.

What surprises me is the amount of fanboy-ism over certain beers or brewers. Do some people score based on what other people scored? To share or tweet what everyone else is also sharing? Is it a need to be part of the ‘cool’ crowd? I see this behaviour less on Twitter than it was all over Facebook, but it’s still there. I accept that people share. I encourage discussion and so sharing is part of this.

I’ve even had some very amusing responses online, and some concerned ones from brewers which was not my intention. And a one particularly aggressive one. So I’ll have to try and be more understanding that people online won’t have the same motives as me, and they can do what they want just like I can.

Sadly, and this is ironic considering what I am doing here, the internet has often become a space to rant, to object, to ridicule, and to be very abusive & threatening. Would you stand for someone in your vicinity shouting and screaming at someone who is pleasantly minding their own business in real life?

To go back to my beer scoring example, I am not trying to assert that these beers are the best. Just that they are my best. Or are interesting, or I can see why they are made, but they aren’t for me.

I’m only one man. But I have opinions, and I think people should be allowed opinions. But when it comes to matters of personal tastes – not ethics or facts – then why do people get so animated online, and yet face to face are so different? Before they post a rant or abusive response online have they considered whether they would do that face to face?

May I turn this on its head?

So I and my better half run a bar, and often we get many positive comments online, and face to face. Which is really nice, and makes it all worthwhile. Last night we even won a quite a few awards. Which is honestly super nice that people care enough to do that. And one of the award speeches actually made me blush.

Why?

Mostly because we do what we do in the pub because we care, and we and trying to do the best of what we know to do. And we try to develop ourselves and the pub as best we can. We try to take care of the individual reactions with individuals. For me this is the only influence I have over the reality I live in. And we don’t always get it right. But it’s nice to see our passions appreciated. It also takes a lot more effort to be constructive and supportive of things we like in the real world, than it is just to be negative or off-hand.

So why do some people then do nothing face to face, but only go online and post an opinion piece about how they totally disapprove, but never speak to us face to face? I’m not against feedback. But there’s a massive difference between “not one for me”, and “it’s awful”.

And that’s the rub with online posting.

The shorter it is the harder it is to gauge overall intention, meaning, and context of what you see.

On a related diversion, I have spent a week at a volunteer run beer festival, and here’s a real world example of what I mean about the problems of online posting.

There’s lots of reference to ‘staff’ as in ‘paid worker’ and that radically influences how people treat others and themselves. Change that word to ‘volunteer’ as in ‘giving time & effort freely and willing’ and a whole other world of behavioural options opens up.

While I appreciate the need to share opinions and interesting articles online, why not go out into the real world and act on those principle? Join a movement, write a letter, make a monetary donation, challenged someone’s opinion with some respect and not ridicule, or just shop elsewhere.

I don’t I think I can control how I am seen, but I’m trying not to fight ghosts & goblins of my own making. And instead of trying to change the world I’m trying to focus on changing and developing me. And I will always respect someone’s desire to do things differently to me. Because why would anyone do anything they didn’t think they was the best they could do?

I just don’t think social media site feeds are going to be taking up much of my time any more. It’s now more like skimming a newspaper to get some context about what is going on in the world. It just isn’t my world. It’s just a tool. It’s not a lifestyle.

To Do:

Complete Post Festival Notes and Planning
Finish last kitchen window tiles
Order furniture

To Plan:

Garage Wall Rebuild
Garden Landscaping
External Wiring

Upcoming:

Sheffield Beer X
Trip to Southport
Trip to Manchester

Curves. Circles. Sprials

I did want to sit and rant or write about the right to go to war, about how I’ve seen people from all sections of the country walk side by side to state not in my name

I was going to talk about how some Muslims youths questioned my comprehension of would geography, and world politics in Hyde Park, about how I questioned them on their need to isolate differences.

I did want to write about presentation of opinion, of how debate does not mean agreement. How people do not have a right not to be offended.

But that’s a circle I’ve been round and round so many times, and I needed a nap.

Not long after the previous post on this blog I had to move back into my very accommodating mother’s home, my loving step-dad, and their small zoo. And it’s been such a blur I really can’t work out when we left there and moved in here. Is that my first senior moment?

Or is it because this year became all about the need to finish a home and get settled in. (Oh wait it was the end of September…) but in fact I had become increasingly unsettled. Not in a completely lost place. More that I was simply dealing with the day with the most immediate reactions.
I’d lost my reflective process.

In losing this behavioural process I lost tracks of some the whys, and got stuck in what’s and when’s. I had committed to so many projects and I felt that if I didn’t follow them all through I would be letting myself down.

I have done a lot, but I burnt myself. I burnt myself out.

Some days I awoke and realised there was more than I could possibly do, and I kept trying. I had a lot of things I was starting, but not all of them were being finished.

By the beginning of last month I did a long list of all the things I’d started or had taken on.
Guess what I realised?

Yes – taking things on I enjoy, but it was seeing all these things to completion that was a struggle. I really don’t have infinite energy, or time. But up until the end of September I tried every trick I knew to make time, and get that little more bit of go out of my life.

I made a choice I didn’t like emotionally mid October – I had to dial things down. Reduce my lists to a couple of drivers and get them done. As a rational and as a logical option however just over a month later I am feeling the returning of my more centred self..

I needed to stop main-lining on adrenalin, sugar and caffeine and focus on effective living. More precious that any short-term gains are patterns of behaving and thinking that are more efficient long-term.

What have I been doing? Taking some time to think, perhaps to daydream, merrily to drift off. My derbal viarrhea is a known issue. Yet when I am silent I am far more calm.

I am capable of winding myself up so tight, twisting from productive spiral of actions to a fragile glass-rod of immobility. These are my patterns.

I’ve hit these rough curves before. I felt them and saw the restriction coming & I’m becoming confident I managed to hit the brakes before I smashed the whole construct of my life down.

Unlike other times I’ve tried to move on, this time I think the choice of words is key. I’m not leaving behind, I’m moving forward.

I have the desire to question. I can take things so far, but the last few steps I have doubts. Something goes missing. I’ll have to use an analogy to explain this better and it feels like this one suits what I mean:

“I need to eat. I look in a fridge, pick out random ingredients, and make a coherent meal. Once it’s all prepped it gets cooked. I serve the meal, but the hunger seems to have gone.”

Why is that with me and projects? Do I forget why I started on a path and become absorb by the details?
As it stands I’m technically still mid-projects but am now taking a break o some, and have chosen to end others – is this a new step? Stepping back from the details to reassess? Not running from them all is a more evolved step for me. I just couldn’t see a way to hang on to them all.

This feels like a new step.

If something looks like something and feels like something? Then, all poor phrasing aside, that thing is that something, yes?

While I’m not attempting to apply scientific rigour to my life, I have just woken up after a short nap after work. My first unprompted reminder to myself on my mind was about paths, circles, and spirals.
Ah those little siestas I was taking before ‘ProjectHome’ became a 5 day a week job, and ‘ProjectWork’ was a 4 day a week job. And that doesn’t even include all the other Projects I’ve had to call time on.

Ah, those siestas, providers of mental meditations, which promote so much calm and positivity. No need to diatribe against the military complex now.

I’m a very lucky man that I am allowed such turbulence, and such stillness. For those that endure the whirlwind I am thankful, for those that wait out the stillness I am thankful.

And for those that helped me to where I am today I am honoured.

“Take a Bath Ming” to paraphrase a movie scene I’ve just recalled.
Much Loves.

Choices. Conundrums. Challenges

What is freedom? What is choice? What is the point of all these questions?
It’s just a start jump back on-board a train of thought. A train of thought that nearly escaped me as other needs and tasks interfered with free flowing consciousness. The ‘ooh shiney’ nature of the mind, its need to find, sort, arrange and deal with reality is a distraction from the true reality all around all of us.
It’s only when I’ve been surprised, I’ve been truly aware. I’ve achieved, what recovering drug addicts refer to as, that ‘moment of clarity’ many, many times now. Some days it flows easier than others. Sometimes I just need to eat or breathe.
I would argue however, that I have to be able to allow myself to be surprised. My awareness of my environment and those around me is naturally clouded by the distractions of the day. Every day, and in many little ways.
I’ve been pleasantly surprised around 1am this morning. And now over an hour later my mind, my thoughts, my processes, are still burning like the hot dessert sun. I make no apologies.
But I have stepped outside my bounds. I’ve said yes to my own self awareness. I’m somehow temporarily managed to avoid the societal norms I was indoctrinated with. The same norms we are all socialised to work towards. The better teacher would have just admitted that we were being taught the best they knew at the time, and that there was only one freedom we could all truly possess in our lives, and that it was up to us to test, reform, and create new standards.

But no-one of us is perfect. It is only by working together with our talents and gifts that the failings and weaknesses cease to matter.
The freedom to choose the world we create through our conceptions, and not our pre-conceptions. Oh how hard that is to hang on to.
On a daily basis I keep being told “Calm down” or “You’re doing too much” or “That isn’t good for you” and I have to wonder, why am I being told this?
I don’t fear doing too much anymore. I fear not living enough. I’ve joked I’ve probably used half my allotted loops round our closest, energy giving, solar star, and that most men in my family don’t live much past 70. What goes unstated, but I feel in every utterance, is that so many people grow old, and never live at all.
I had a random discussion the other day about retirement. I don’t get the escape from life, to move into an isolated bubble, to passively exist in a world teeming with energy – and potential new interactions and creations.
I wish I could explain how I got onto this spiral of positivity. But there was no single step.
Yes, everything happens for a reason, but as an individual navigating a species wide delta of information, I will share one key component that keeps me grounded. That keeps my megalomania in some kind of check.
I am not a digital life-form, and I am always reminded of the warning symbol of technological progress that was the penny-farthing.
I am tactile. I am emotional. I am a bio-collective organism which needs sensorial feedback. I perform daily, and often hourly, mind dumps of information and ideas I generate. And it leaves my awareness free to see the now-time around me.
The native Australians hadn’t forgotten something many have missed. I don’t need to know how the universe started; I don’t need to know the answer to every question.

All I need to know is my place in the universe. To ask better questions, and to ask for help.
Much Loves.

I wake. I write. I wonder

Over the years I have attempted to be many, many things.
Over the years I have been accused of being many things.

I’ve been a paperboy. I’ve been a football event promotional items salesman. I’ve been an accountant. I’ve sold T-shirts at festivals and gigs. I’ve been a banking process worker. I’ve been a babysitter. I’ve been an IT technician. I’ve been a war-gamer. I’ve been a peace seeker. I’ve been a counsellor. I’ve been a brother. A friend.And a palette truck driver. I’ve been a dancer. I’ve been a fighter. I’ve been a problem solver.

I’ve been a problem maker. I’ve been the guy that friends went to when they needed something. I’ve been a reader. I’ve been a thinker. I’m becoming a writer. I have always been a lover. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve been a student. I’ve been a landlord. I’ve been a drinker. I’ve been a traveller. I have been a hermit. I have slept. And I have awoke.

I’ve been accused of being insane. I’ve been questioned on my autistic traits. Quizzed over my manic and depressive moments. I’ve been loud. I’ve been quiet. I’ve been lost. I’ve been found.

I’ve been known. I’ve been unknown. I’ve shown amazing physical control, with the aid of an 82 year old tai-chi instructor from Standish. I’ve shown a total lack of physical control and defiance of gravity by falling up stairs and breaking my toes. I’ve felt pleasure. I’ve felt pain.

I’ll have to stop there.

I could go on. But the rhythm, and pace, the posting of words, seems sufficient to at least open the door in your head, dear reader, to that fact that I have always been a man of swings. I can use one thousand words when one would suffice. Or I can use my body and expressions alone to get food and shelter lost in Marrakesh. I’ve worked side by side with people for years with people who never knew me. I’ve been apart from people for years yet was never separated.

I am all of these things and I am none of them. Just like scientists chasing their electrons, by trying to define myself by my own, or other people’s standards, something went missing. Thankfully for all that is good in beer, I learned to let go of ego. And embrace now. What will come from within must be allowed to grow.
The constant pull of the yin-yang within me, has spiraled to a new level. And I chose the word spiral very specifically. It’s taken me 38 years to realise that the miasma of my ‘self’ is an illusion. I am not divisible from the entire universe. I am a reflection, and a cog, within it.

But just maybe we can all be something else as well?

I have struck fear in those who have no questions about their universe.
I have seen inspiration in those around me, who are curious about their universe, and oft I am accused of being inspirational.

This is simply an illusion of chronology. Just because you said something after me, or did something after meeting me, does not mean you wouldn’t have done it anyway.
It was already within you.

Together we managed to escape the bounds of capitalist time and focus on something far deeper within all of us.

Our shared humanity.
Our capacity to dream.
Our capacity to love.

Thank you to all my ‘families’ for giving birth to this Star Child. On the next slump this time-and-space monkey will be able to look back at moments like this and know, all is well.

Like good music, the high notes are not the point. It’s the journey, the flow, or our collective spiritual lives which will always outlive our frail mortal forms.

Love and Muchness M’Lazy
Ming

PS Leonard definitely is a good name. If that river ever opens up to us. And yes I knew you’d always pick Elizabeth, the first.

Rollercoaster. Retribution. Revelation

Wow. Almost 24 hours after my last chance to sit down, think, write & reflect something happened which has changed my life. Here I am two months later. I used to feel bad about losing track of time. But my time has been full. I am full-filled. Today I set 5 goals. Took 17hrs. But none of it felt like a chore.

My other half and I bought a house. Not just any house. A semi-detached. With a garage. Two triangular back and side gardens. A front garden. And a boiler with radiators. And an attic full of junk.

Nothing else. No kitchen. No bathroom. No updates as far as we can tell from probably the 70s.

Ironically I’ve always joked with the girlfriend that I’d never buy her cut flowers as a symbol of love. Nor would I lavish her with material positions. (Despite writing that, a year ago I got an unexpected £1000 bonus which I let both of us spend on impulse – does it count if it is money I’d earned years before and didn’t need at the time?) I said I’d only ever build her something, like a garden or a home.

She must have been paying attention. Because right now that is exactly what I have to do. She’s working full-time. She loves what she does to earn money. I’m working part-time. And I can do it, because my employers put people before process, and as long as they make a profit – it’s all good.  Even so, I refuse to go full-time.

I can’t justify delaying the life I have now, for some future life which may never exist. I’m luckily – I dodged the marital and parental early flush in my twenties. And I’ve had a chance to grow into being someone I had no idea I’d be. And I mostly like me.

I’ve also committed to doing more with beer, beer festivals. And continuing to give my time and energy and see what comes back to me. So much so I achieved a proof of concept at the end of January, used my experience to make bits of a bar work as a bar. No manual. No plan. Just one piece at a time.

Confidence rising.

But not that wild care free open-ended play-space of my youth.

This is different.

Working on a house, being taught what is possible, pushing myself outside of my comfort zone has given me a respect for those who work for themselves. The honesty of giving your word, and following it through. Of having a project with a start and an end.

Of trying to be something because it appeals to me, and not because it’s what I’m told I’m suited for. The home doesn’t matter. It’s who I share it with that counts.

In my life, it’s not about what someone needs from me, or what I need from them. But what I can give, and what they share.

I’m often tired this last month and a half. I often ache. I’m hungry a lot. I’ve also gone down a pant size, have I skipped the odd meal to get something done? Did I get down over Christmas and New Year because I felt I’d failed myself.. maybe.

Sometimes you need to find the right tool for the job. Brute force and raw energy will only get you so far.  The rest of the way I’ve gotten by working with people. People who know me, some who love me, and some who just needs someone with my very particular skill set. And some who maybe, just maybe, are doing the same as me. Getting on with living.

Do I have an end in mind? No. I have thoughts. Suggestions. Almost like blowing on a dandelion head. I’ll never know how many seeds float off, nor will I necessarily find out how many germinate. As long as a few do. It’s all worth it.

But they may. Is there a secret?

I just keep waking up in the morning. And there’s something to do.

I do still make lists, I do still try to finish them. It isn’t the process of the list which is important though.

It’s just a matter of helping me focus on what I really need to do.

Live in the now. What did I just do? What am I doing now? What will I do next?

25 Random Things & Thoughts

1. Sometimes I doubt if there’s even one thing about me even remotely interesting to anyone else on the planet.

2. I like pies. Mostly the savory ones. Mostly. And I like using the word sometimes. Maybe I should have “Sometimes” on my headstone one day.

3. My memories and thoughts are strings of words and images held together by an over-active imagination. It makes it hard for me to be myself with others as I find it hard to form connections. Yet for some reason I still have people who call me friend. And for that I am thankful.

4. Often times I’ve stopped caring about the consequences of my choices, and prefer to make a choice than to over analyze. It at least allows me to continue to move forward.

5. I’ve never stopped loving the people no longer in my life – for some it just became impossible to exist around them – for others our paths simply divided.

6. The only bad religion is the one that doesn’t question itself, or laugh at itself, or accept that it may be wrong.

7. I study and read a lot of disconnected ideas and histories, not for their superficial value of saying I know about them, but for the fact that I value exploring my innate curiousity.

8. I still enjoy staring at clouds and seeing shapes in them

9. My two regrets in life were both caused by a fear of speaking my mind and feelings

10. My greatest achievements have come from speaking my mind and feelings.

11. I will always give a direct question an honest answer.

12. Everyone should be allowed one lie a day. Or society would implode.

13. I’m a compulsive hoarder.

14. I get restless at anything in life within a couple of years if there is not continuous development. The universal constant in my life is change.

15. Sometimes I think I live in The Village. Sometimes I think I’m the village idiot. Sometimes I think the village is built for idiots, by idiots.

16. I have no favorite band, track, or piece of music. But without music I would not be who I am. The same also goes for literature, and films.

17. I don’t want all the answers to life, I simply want to be able to craft better questions to temporary situations. All life is temporary.My focus is method, form and flow. Facts, figures and whats some people refer to as truths are a matter of perspective.

18. I have no idea how I got where I am today. Nor do I know where I am going. I consider only what to do with my next few steps. I’m beginning to suspect this instability makes me an unattractive proposition to long-term relationships.

19. Gut instinct is a better guide than logical thinking when you don’t have access to all the information I’d like. I’ve never had access to all the information I would have liked in life. Sometimes I wish my mind would release me to follow the threads of opportunity

20. I spent most of my teens contemplating why I wasn’t dead, then most of my 20s doing things that probably should have killed me. I’m not sure what the next 10years will bring. Ask me again in 10 years.

21. Sometimes I wonder why people don’t ask me the question about what I can see bothering them about me. Politeness is rude, and something children don’t possess. Being an adult seems to involve losing touch with yourself.

22. I once went 78hrs without sleep. I have also done 8 days without food. Just water. On both occasion no drugs were involved. Like my life it became a question of what I was willing to do. Two years on pain-killer with insomnia is also not part of this.

23. Knowledge is pleasure. Knowledge is pain. Knowledge is no compensation for inspiration and intuition..

24. Anyone who thinks me eccentric, has no passion for the something that no-one else cares about, has no desire to communicate without the barriers of differing languages, and no ability to laugh when everyone else is unable to see the funny side – doesn’t feel humanity as I do.

25. I have a several talents and habits that those who know the real me don’t understand. And neither do I. But this is who I am. I will no longer make apologies. Life is too short.

Reminder – Morning thoughts are the most constructive….

This is an introduction to a repost of a  repost of a repost. A reminder to myself that the only constant I can embrace is change.

“Today I saw a group of young children practising Tai-chi in a sunny park at Edge Hill university ground – a good sign that there is always hope despite all the darkness that is portrayed around us by people motivated by profit and power.

It’s much better than failing to remember I’m sat with people who want to share ideas and experiences, and not just plug myself into a convenient digital drip of data. Cute kitten pictures and rants about the weather will not be the future I want us all to be involved.

I’ve had a hard couple of years recently. I dreamed a dream that made me ill, because it did not come from me – it’s been like wearing a suit that doesn’t quite fit – even though you like the cloth and the colour, it just doesn’t work if you have to wear it all the time. I almost sold out my principles and beliefs for a few pieces of silver. There are always people who will do that. This world needs all sorts of people with all sorts of traits.

I believe in a way of living I find hard to express sometimes. It’s also hard to be consistent when there are so many competing internal and external influences on the actions I could take. I have lost touch with people who I thought I would never be without, but that’s because we all have paths, but each of those people I still carry a small part with me.

Before people decide where they are going in life some people develop a fixed plan. My inner self, my inner child, struggles with this because I still drown in the possibilities I see. As I’ve aged I have become trapped within systems not of my own making – a job, a home, a lifestyle. My beliefs are all under pressure.

I’ve been lucky that I can keep my mind’s eye open and find patterns and connections which do not restrict me.

I have my reasons. I have my changes.

My actions and my words are my only real possessions.

I can sleep at night. Mostly.

Every journey starts with a single step – but I for one do not have to have a full realised definition of the end in mind. The journey is the reward. Be careful who you spend it with. Embracing my own capacity to change and develop is so much more fulfilling than trying to remain constant in a universe defined by fluctuations.

Knowledge is pleasure. Knowledge is pain.

And finally here is the repost. Sometimes seeing clearly is not helpful unless I can find a way to make it motivate me to make a change. Today was another day I changed.”

/beginrant

“Coherent when I can be, but surrounded by my imprecise and wandering thoughts – because that’s the where I am trying to move from, to move forward, to continue to create myself. Information and options for opinions funnelled by pervasive capitalist neo-imperial corporations. A showman’s democracy. Virulent verbosity sweetening the delivery of daily denigrations.

Subtle and persistent Amero-Eurocentric prejudice. Homogenization of viewpoints. Collective history of corrupted snapshots. People hooked on “Government®” supported oligarchal opiates. The “Hype©” corporate machinations, probing and producing. Man recreated as marionettes for sustaining credit based – resource greedy – consumption. Fear and miscommunication. Institutions built on illusions and the presentation ideals. Preventive versus repressive methods of societal control.

An international village built of hollow words. Promises that can always be deferred. Rhetoric easily rearranged. No fear of karmic kickback or ecological enmity. All sides becoming less distinguishable from the other. Prisoners of ourselves – limiting our own actions. Fear what we do not understand. We do not always understand why we fear. Relentless march of technology. Development urges. No mass collective decision. No decision on coping. Society supporting those with power. Free floating few with masses of material possessions.

Worship with modern mantras to Mammon. Daily dragging of drugged mind-blinkered minions to temples of the ephemeral persists. Separate from what we are informed of every day as the events in the ‘real’ world, despite all the convoluted connections I have grasped upon before this word, we have our own experience, and the capacity to make mistakes.

Collectively we make mistakes; collectively we have the capacity to learn. We also have the weakness of not sharing our mistakes, and repeating them again and again – not just in our individual lives, but throughout history. We forget. What choice is there for living breathing souls? What window can the soul use to express itself when the eyes are made blind? We can breathe, we face the changing world, we sleep, we eat, we dream, we love. All we are our thoughts. I am all of what I’ve been taught. Then truth be told I thought my only way to prevent returning my soul to a cage was to teach myself afresh.

Becoming the hollowed out rag doll, eye sockets burnt clean by the glaring light of a manufactured forced future, no-one would have screamed for me to stop. It’s hard to see what alternative choices there are. Life’s a masquerade. A world of let’s pretend. Where pretending never ends. There is no difference between my will and my act. What I resolve on, is as good as done. It’s just a choice. Between love and fear. Happiness and healthiness are not rights.

Your freedom to live life isn’t guaranteed. These things are not inalienable. They must be strived for, and recreated every day. All the tears we could be crying. Cry for what is lost? For our inner-child and future children that we injure? Should we pity ourselves? Or would that be a form of dying? We don’t need collective sympathy. Yet empathy, an ability to ascribe from art, from the attitudes, the actions of others, feelings and attitudes present in oneself, may aid me now.

To use laughter and the world can love life with you, or just to smile and leave people wondering what you’ve been up to. To mix the antidote of observation, with the humour of self depreciation. To pray that while I may only be one, I am not just another number. To find those days when I help at least one soul remember. Stir enough souls, and a storm may form, which will sweep away fragments of the meshes on our collective minds, our hopes, and our dreams. Freedom, like happiness, is a point of view.

Where I go, how I join the collective web of souls, each action, and interaction, where I invest my time and energy, and how I respond can all make a difference. Our interdependence is so great none of us is without influence. Would you care to connect with my stream of consciousness ramblings? Yeah that’s right, simply put this is my space to open my mind.”

/endrant